a few words … from Montréal

I’ve been thinking about my twenties lately. I have daughters in their twenties and friends in their twenties and as I watch them navigate that decade of their lives, I realise how much I’ve forgotten about that decade of mine. Sure, I remember the major events, the landmarks, which in my case, looked something like this:

• Age 20 – Mom died (outliving Dad by four years) and I was overwhelmed.
• Age 23 – Undergrad done, I bought a one-way train ticket from Toronto to Vancouver with my best friend from high school.
• Age 26, my first daughter was born and I was amazed.
• Age 28, my second daughter was born and I was again amazed.
• Age 29, I became a single parent, and once more I was amazed, this time by a previously hidden, inner reservoir of strength.

Landmark events, for each of us, those are easy to remember. What I find more difficult to remember about my twenties was my reality in general: how I felt when I woke up in the morning, how I saw people and the world around me, how I saw myself and my life as it was and as I wanted it to be. I don’t remember feeling young, although, of course, I was. Now, by contrast, I’m keenly aware that I’m younger today than I will be for any of the days ahead.

I do remember feeling a certain kind of pressure in my twenties, though. The pressure of things to consider and undertake, as I thought about how I wanted to spend my time and energy, how I wanted to live my life. There were choices to be made, almost constantly, it seemed. Like a strobe light to a techno beat that never stopped. Now, well past my twenties, I still make choices about my time, my energy, my life. But the tempo for making those choices, in many ways, is much more of my choosing, thankfully.

That tempo, it reminds me of a George Bernard Shaw quote that I once used as an epigraph: “If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you’d best teach it to dance.” Whether a skeleton in the closet, shadows on the wall, or the tempo of the day, week, month, year … I agree with Shaw … yes, teach those parts of ourselves to dance, if we can.

^{P.S. An aside, before I go: there is a series called Quarter Life, for people in their twenties and thirties, that may be of interest, regardless of what decade of your life you are living. The series is from The Conversation, a collaboration between journalists and researchers (with editions on six continents and in four languages, including English and French editions for Canada).}